Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
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Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
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He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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