i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
