I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
