i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
