dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
