Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
