Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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