took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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