There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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