I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
