i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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