Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
