I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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