And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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