Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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