I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
