he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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