You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
