It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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