Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
