; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
