Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
