Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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