Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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