she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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