I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
