No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
