this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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