just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
