On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
