I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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