I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
