I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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