4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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