Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
