I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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