you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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