I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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