Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
