The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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