i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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