it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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