I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
