is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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