been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
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Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
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Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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