i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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