Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize