WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
