I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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