Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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