there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
