Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
tonight lets celebrate not being married
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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