Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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