Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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