Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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