On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think your dad took our porno
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
