dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
