Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You need Xanax blowdarts
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i now understand why vodka
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
