I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
