I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
