There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
