No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
