Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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