I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
me + whiskey = a bad person
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
