Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
