my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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